The Straight And Narrow
 
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Love Thy Neighbor
Posted:Jun 23, 2018 6:20 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2018 6:10 am
232 Views
No matter where I've lived, my neighbors have always been a pain. I had one who used to complain about the height of my grass after I mowed, since I cut mine lower than his he thought I was trying to make him look bad. Once I walked out my front door to see a neighbor kid swinging a baseball bat at one of my kids. His Mom said he was just playing, after further discussion she tried to say it must have been MY kids fault.

Currently, the house to my right is full of dudes. 3 of them. One is mentally deficient from an alcohol related car accident. He comes over regularly to try and borrow toilet paper. I tell him I don't have any. He used to put love notes in my mailbox for my wife. The other two aren't much better. I've seen them arguing loudly in their driveway threatening to kill each other. I think they're gay, or bi.

On my left there was a lesbian woman who never said a word to us. She gardened a lot in her front yard. When ever I came outside she would pack up her tools and go inside. I guess I was her annoying neighbor. Now a family lives there. The son rakes up the leaves every winter and piles them in my yard on the side of my house. The Mom is friendly to me, but I've been told that she hates my guts. Why, I don't know or care.

Last, but certainly not least, my neighbors across the street. Lynda de LaMooch used to live there, which made them tolerable. I actually have a decent relationship with them. The Dad, retired, stands in his sliding glass door, which faces my house, watching. All day. The Mom is daily shit-faced drunk. If she catches you outside your in for 30 minutes of gossip, as she sways from side to side, nearly falling down at times. I've been entertained with some loud drunken arguments coming from their house. I once heard Mom yell,"It's 11 o'clock and your already drunk!" to which I heard Lynda, "Will you two stop! It's fucking Thanksgiving!". Remember, these are the ones I consider "decent". This is as good as it gets.

As I walk out my door, I take a deep breath, and wonder........ What would Mr. Rogers do? Yep, WWMRD? There's only one thing he could do.......
What kind of neighbors do you have?


30 Comments
Purging My Urgings
Posted:Jun 21, 2018 7:39 pm
Last Updated:Jun 24, 2018 8:09 am
247 Views

My sex life has always been incredibly busy times separated by long droughts. I remember when a few months seemed like the end of the world. I'm coming up on 5 yrs now, and don't even mind. Prior to that, every weekend I was going to a hotel party, sex club, or hanging out with of my FWBs. Some of those friends lovingly called me "Whore". Then one day, I just had enough. My new favorite word became "No". I got tired of being everybody's 3rd or 5th wheel, and finding a regular girl here is hard.

Well, nearly 5 yrs later there's only thing that really bothers me. It bothers me that NOT having sex with someone does NOT bother me. I could care less. I can take care of my own needs, been doing that since I was 12. I know what I like, know what I need and when I need it. And I don't have to talk to myself about my feelings and I never ask myself, "what are you thinking?".

I'm not saying I won't ever have a relationship, or dig out my inner whore and have another wild year, all I really know is, I'm OK with how life is going and don't feel the need to mess it up. I've seen similar descriptions on some women's profiles and wonder if this is the result of our social media/internet/connected society we live in today.

Are we Generation Z? Zero love, Zero sex, Zero give a shit?
17 Comments
Bits-O-Honey
Posted:Jun 19, 2018 7:26 pm
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2018 7:05 am
377 Views

I titled this Bits-O-Honey because it's not about anything in particular, but I didn't think of it as "sweet", I just didn't know if any would read it if it was called Bits-O-Shit.

-Remember that candy, Bit-O-Honey? It's still around, somewhere. I know I never finished one , and there's no way that candy is biodegradable. I remember gnawing on it until it nearly pulled teeth out, then setting it down, somewhere. I couldn't imagine trying to eat one of those, now. Besides, I can't remember where I left it.

-I picked up a can of Cream Cheese Frosting Sunday. I finished it off tonight. I finally admitted to myself, that when it comes to cake, it's really all about the icing. I always froze my cakes to give the "cake" part some substance, but realized I was only trying to make the "cake" worth my time. So, rather than fighting over corner pieces I'm switching to these sweet little cans. It's gonna be a bitch getting more than 10 candles into it.

-Found out my oldest Ggirl was playing with a Ouija board yesterday, while I was at work. She finally fessed up when I asked her about the salt that was in my bed. I still don't know WHY the salt was IN my bed, but apparently, the "salt keeps you safe". I told her "leaving it alone" will make it safer. HEY! That's kind of an Abstinence speech! When I was 13yrs old I walked in the door with a Ouija board and my Mom sent me right back to the store to return it. Soon after she took me to the movies! We saw a movie about a girl close to my age. The Exorcist. I wasn't old enough to get in by myself. It was weird, at that age, to be sitting at the movies with Mom. It was weirder to be sitting at the movies with Mom while some girl, about my age, fucked herself with a crucifix. I remember sleeping with the light on and a bible on my chest for about a month.

Speaking of movies, I never got over Jaws. I was 15 when that movie came out. I've never been more than thigh deep in the ocean, since. My last vacation to the beach was in Port Aransas. 6 days I laid on that beach, oiled up and sizzling, and only occasionally walked out shin deep to wash the sand off my hands. Maybe it's like the cake/frosting syndrome, just give me the beach, the water is just for lookin at!.... I won't even go very deep in lakes or rivers, either. If I can't see the bottom, fuck that. There's a nice big river here that's a popular "tubing" river, I'll go down that, I'm never more than "butt deep".

So, inedible candy, the end of cake as we know it, pre-pubescent possession, or a fear of things when you don't even know if they're there. Your thoughts?
21 Comments
Motorcycles, Cookies, and Drinking Ranch Dressing
Posted:Jun 17, 2018 7:19 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2018 7:49 pm
703 Views

Last February, due to a steady, year long decline in income, I decided to close my shop. My landlord, nice guy that he is, and probably terrified I might leave 22 yrs of motorcycle trash behind, offered me the month of March "FREE", as long as I cleaned the entire 2450 sq ft of building, plus the parking lot, and back yard. HELL YEAH!!!! I had a month and a half to clean up, line up a new job, and hopefully ease in to retirement in another 8 years or so. I already had a job in mind.

The last week of March I was "orientated, trained, and assigned" a job location. The last week of March I realized I was gonna need another week to clean out the building. I bought another. At the end of that week I bought another. By now I was working an 8hr evening shift after cleaning out a business for 4 hrs every morning, with 14 hr days of packing and moving on Saturday and Sunday. And the night job was no walk in the park, it was constant moving, and pushing, and lifting.

Needless to say, by the end of April, when I finally finished clearing out that building, I'd lost 10lbs. I'm still dropping weight just doing my 8hr job, since I started I've lost a total of 19lbs. I didn't just get a job, I got a workout. I love it!
I love the job, too. It's totally stress free, compared to running a business.

It has some drawbacks, like during orientation they warned us about being too open about personal things on social media sites, so I'll be using the term "cookies" for, you know, that thing I do on the weekends, in the evening, in my bathroom window, you know, puff puff...

In other news, my old friend Lynda de LaMooch was texting me about something she ate with Ranch dressing. She was telling me how So-n-So made the best ranch dressing. I told her, "No, Hidden Valley mix was the best, but you have to make it." She said she'd never had it, and when I repeatedly asked, she'd forgotten to get some at the store. Last week I bought her a small jar of mayo, a pint of buttermilk, and a pack of Hidden Valley. She texts me the ingredients of every meal, all are eaten with the Ranch dressing, she says she wants to eat it with a spoon, or just drink it. We're so much alike.

Have you had REAL ranch dressing? Did you want to drink it?
21 Comments
Messages From The Other Side Of the Buffet
Posted:Jun 13, 2018 8:10 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2018 1:20 pm
817 Views

From reading the blogs, I know how ridiculous some of the messages are that the guys send to the women on this site. Here's what I get on a regular basis:

Me: Hi, your profile was fairly vague, how tall are you? Those lovely legs look pretty long.

( I'm polite, inquisitive and showing an interest in her, finishing the message off with a flirty compliment)

Wetter ****678: thanks for the message. it,s my pleasure to meet handsome like you here . care to tell me about your self and i will like to know you more better than here . do you have private email that i can contact you through. what are you looking for particular

(say what? As I read this I can hear Natasha's thick Russian accent, "I look for Moose and Squirrel". Now, realizing that this is a scam/spammer here to get my personal email address I usually ignore any future messages.)

Here's another interesting message I got a few months back from a woman I'd never talked to, but was "top fanning" against another dude just because it's fun to outbid a guy by 1 points every time they post a bid:

Versatile****x62: You truly don't get my lack of response that the interest is not there

Me: Got It.

(wow, 2 idiots running up points on her profile and....... I don't know, I thought it was rude.)

OK, here's one more, a few weeks ago I butt dialed this woman I met on here like 5 yrs ago? We had a fun morning together, well.... here it is:

Me: Hey Amber I don't know if you remember me, I was Mcmaniac. I accidentally butt dialed you last night, or at least I butt dialed your old number, the 789-**** number. Sorry about that.
Stu

Bear****: I do remember you!!! How are you?

Me: I'm good! How have you been?

Bear****: Doing good!!! Kind of horny today!!!

(well .......... they aren't all bad....... )

Got Mail?
25 Comments
Snaked, Baked, And Slurpeed To A Pee
Posted:Jun 2, 2018 3:33 pm
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2018 7:58 am
1888 Views

As I looked down I noticed the hole was dark, wet, and ready for my tool. I lowered myself and fed it into that orifice, deeper and deeper, at one point feeling resistance, I pushed and fed more and more, amazed at how deep I was going. When I could go no further, I gyrated and twisted, pushing in and out, deeper, harder, back and forth, faster, then slower, working a sporadic rhythm feeling the wetness occasionally hitting my legs. After 20 minutes, I pulled completely out, sat back, catching my breath before starting over.

Unknown to me, the 3rd round was to be the climatic finale, at one point pulling out hard I noticed an eruption as all the wetness splattered, then disappeared, revealing a clear sewer line. I sat back on the plant pot, totally satisfied, and smoked an imaginary, celebratory cigarette in my mind. After a few minutes, I stuffed the "snake" back on the receiver, rolled up the cord, and stashed it into the garage. Time for a shower.

A long shower felt good, after the previous days short shower with the drain plug set, so as not to flood the house. After getting dressed I really wanted something cold to drink, so off to the Ice House. The drive was an opportunity to "free my mind" without stinking up the house. "Cheech and Chonging" to the store left me staring at bottle after bottle of beverages, when I spotted some orange Fanta that looked good. I bought 2, but even as I was paying I knew this wasn't what I was wanting, I wanted a Slurpee. Off to the 11 of 7.

I sat in my truck in the parking lot, repeatedly giving myself a brain freeze until it was nearly gone. Unsated, I bought a 2nd, drove towards home, stopped and looked at some puppies, American Wolf Hound something or other. Cute, but I'm only wanting small dogs, since my over weight Lab died and I had a time getting her in my van to take her for cremation.

Once home, I Slurpeed till I was nearly sick. It wasn't long before Slurpee had it's revenge. I think Slurpee is French for "peeing out your butt". It had been years since I'd had a Slurpee, it's gonna be years before I want another. But(t) I can honestly say, both my "sewer lines" are clear.

How long's it been since YOU had a Slurpee? Well neighbor, that's too long!
39 Comments
Fuck Face
Posted:May 28, 2018 2:21 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2018 8:49 pm
1552 Views
To be more precise this post should have been called Orgasm Face, but I thought Fuck Face sounded better.

It's that face we all make during an orgasm, unless you practice Tantric sex, in which case, I don't want to know you. It's all about the "O"! As many sex videos as I've made there isn't one that captures my "O" Face. My Ex used to make an angry teeth gritting face like you'd make trying to break loose a rusty lug nut on your car tire on the side of the road on a hot day.

Here's some interesting expressions: John Holmes always looked like someone whistling the theme to the Andy Griffith Show.



Here's Chloe Nicole, she does a kind of Linda Blair's Exorcist, eyes rolling back in her head, O face.



I guess some day I'll try to capture my Fuck Face on film, until then I'm gonna imagine it's a calm, cool, Sean Connery face. That would be a good Fuck Face.



What's your Fuck Face look like? If you haven't seen it, what would you imagine it looks like?
20 Comments
The Women Of Walmart
Posted:May 23, 2018 8:50 am
Last Updated:May 25, 2018 8:55 am
1745 Views
Ok, there are no women at Walmart worth mentioning. At least not in MY area. Well, it's pretty rare. Oh, there's the occasional interesting cashier, like the one with the "ivy" neck tattoo that has crept up the side of her face and was slowly "growing" across her forehead. As she dragged my items over the scanner, rather than wondering where it would end, I was more curious about where it had started. I don't have any tattoos, so whenever I see a woman with a good amount of ink, I wonder about all the ones I CAN'T see. There's no better feeling than grabbing a girl from behind by the hips and looking down and reading her tramp stamp: "property of _______".

I normally go to a local grocery chain for my food, and Walmart for my household items, but every now and then I'll peruse the grocery section to look for variety. Well, I hit the mother lode, yesterday! I found a pack of "Imitation Crab" that was twice the size of the one I bought at my regular store for only about $1.50 more. SCORE! Plus, I got a couple of box fans for $16.00 each for the impending summer swelter.

I've been to Walmart twice this week. I love shopping and the store is big enough to satisfy my shopping needs. Maybe I should go to the mall......... if only they had push carts...
How is the "eye candy" at YOUR local Walmart?

I don't see this at MY Walmart...



I see this...

18 Comments
Happy McMother's Day
Posted:May 13, 2018 5:52 am
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2018 5:44 am
2072 Views
Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there. For all the Moms that get the kiddos up in the morning, pour the cereal, and get them off to school. For all the Moms that do the dishes, wash the clothes, vacuum the floors, and mop. For all the Moms that pick the kids up, run them to soccer, the Dr, the grocery store, and stay up late finishing up that school project that's due tomorrow. The Moms that get the kids cleaned up, PJ'd, and tucked in bed, and follows that up with another round of dishes, trash, and picking up after everybody in the house. To all the Moms who do all this around the house, plus a full or part-time job. To all the Moms who do ALL THAT YOU DO, without complaint, without pay, often without any words of gratitude, just because IT HAS TO BE DONE.

Funny thing is, I do all these things, too. In 2010, when my daughter-in-law passed from a prescription opioid overdose, my 2 little G-girls moved in with me. My ex wasn't interested in being a full time Mom again. After she moved out, I was happy to take on a new role, most of which I'd done a bit of here and there, just not on a full time daily schedule.

Today I got my recognition. Today I received a beautiful square of decorated bathroom tile with my youngest's face glued to it and a hand written note. The note thanked me for the things that I do, reminded me about the way I make her feel, and told me I was loved. I guess in a way, to her, I'm her Mom. I've never felt better than when I read that card.

So, I'm gonna enjoy this day with all you Moms out there, happy that I've been remembered on this special day that comes once a year. Even though, I know they forgot that today is my birthday.

Happy Mother's Day!!!!

[ image ]
29 Comments
Window Shopping
Posted:May 11, 2018 10:49 pm
Last Updated:May 12, 2018 6:39 pm
1995 Views
It's what I call perusing the profiles on that Piece of Fish dating site. You can't really do it here, you can hover over the pics and see a preview, but unless you buy the golden crown your not gonna see shit. On Smells Like Fish you don't even hafta join, just go on as a visitor, click on the preview profiles and you are in! Then you can jump from profile to profile, you just can't contact them.

That's where the problem starts. I see something I like, someone I wanna touch, smell, talk to. So, I fill out a profile, nothing much, just enough to get in. Not putting up a pic though, just enough profile to get on and message her. So I can tell her she's looking good, that I like her style, that I want her to be the future Ex-Mc_justmc, or maybe gargle my unborn babies.

So, now I figure I've gotta put up a pic, just one, just to make it possible, this one isn't too much, well, this is a good one, too. In a matter of days I've got a full blown profile, a mail box full of "Howdy Doo's" and "How are you's" from women I have no interest in. Window shopping in my area isn't like "Macy's", it's more like "Flea Market". On Tuesday. By the 4th day I'm "Favoriting" women far enough away that an "Honest to God Meet" would be a very serious and far fetched thing.

Then I remember, I don't wanna date, I just want to "Window Shop". Everything's so much happier when it's "just for lookin' at". So, I delete my profile and go back to the world of the "dis-joined". Fantasies last so much longer like that.

Not that I have a problem forking over the dough-ra-me to get crowned here, I just don't feel like calling the bank when they decline the charge. Once they told me it was because the site's billing location was Kitts Island. Another time the lady told me she wouldn't authorize a payment to an "Escort Service". I asked her," What kind of Escort service do you think I can get for $24.95?" crickets. I don't like the "Puritan Police" "policing" my purchases. So, I can forget that masturbator I was gonna buy from "Adam & Eve". And that subscription "Pipe Dreams" is just that..... If the "Red Light District" in Amsterdam had a "Drive Thru Window" I could pick up something "to go".

Do you "Window Shop"? Does your bank "patrol" your purchases?

[ image ]
23 Comments
Get Your Machete!
Posted:May 4, 2018 8:13 pm
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2018 4:33 pm
2264 Views
The place is thick with trolls like I haven't seen since the douche that wanted to suck a man off, but swore he wasn't gay, what was his name? Or that Northern fucktard that tracked dogshit thru the blogs with his mukluks after one of his daily nature walks, making up fake profiles to troll his former friends. I know his name, he's very forget-able...

Have you seen the trollfest online tonight? It's almost interesting. Let the bloodbath begin!!!

24 Comments
Grocery Store Dating
Posted:Apr 27, 2018 9:53 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2018 5:43 am
2478 Views

While I was making my shopping list, (cheese, coffee, ground beef), I had a few thoughts about "shopping" for women at the grocery store.

The Deli Section: these items are so over-priced you can imagine the taste of the women that shop here. I am neither (monterey jack cheese) wealthy or fresh, so I skip the items AND women in this section.

The Bakery Section: Women here may be looking to lose themselves in sweets, which may indicate recent break ups or (small carrot cake) simply a love of sugar. I spend little time here.

The Produce Section: This may be one of the best or one of the worst pick up sections. The women here may be (avocados) healthy minded, but could also be health nuts. I'm looking for (tomatoes) a friend NOT a personal trainer. I skip this area as a high risk. I gotta watch what I'm squeezing here...

The Canned Food Section: This is a very safe area. I love (tuna) a girl with a can opener! I do most of my "shopping" here. I watch out for (black olives) the ones in the "beans" section, I'm not into those kind of games.

The Kitchenwares Section: An excellent area for picking up women. Most kitchen tools look like AND can be used as Sex Toys. Theses women are either Suzy Homemakers or women that are too shy to order (cheese grater) vibrators off the internet. This aisle has high possibilities!

The Spice/Baking Section: I love this aisle. I mean, what man (or woman with a strap-on) wouldn't want "put it" to June Cleaver? The women here are so focused on yeasts and herbs it's really hard to get their (fajita seasoning) attention. I like to play dumb with the spices, just mumble things like, "What's the difference between Tarragon and Turmeric?" That usually gets thing started.

The Meat Section: Most women here are married, but the best (chicken breast) way to know is by what kind of meat they're buying. Steaks, most likely married, Chicken, possibly available, Liver, walk away, just walk away.

The Dairy Section: The best way to shop here is by quantities. More than one gallon of milk says multiple kids at home. Multiple containers of yogurt says possible (cottage cheese) digestive tract issues. Just like the "Bean" section, I'm not into that.

The Ice Cream Section: I avoid this aisle at all cost. I don't want to even make eye contact with (popsicles) a woman on this aisle. These women are on the rebound, and while that may be an easy pick up, I know better. This aisle will bite me in the ass.

The Medicine Section: Do I need (allergy pills) to say anything about the women found on THIS aisle? They are either prone to headaches OR they have something that needs (astroglide) an ointment. PASS.

The Coffee Section: THE BEST FUCKING AISLE IN THE STORE! Any woman I see on this aisle is a potential "soul mate". If you can find (hazel nut creamer) one that spends more than (crystal light tea) 5 minutes on this aisle, she is "wife" material. My favorite place to loiter!

The Checkout Section: Any friendships or sexy glances disappear here. There is way too much tension here to make anything happen. The register girl smiles at everybody, so I don't even start with that fantasy, and the girl sacking my groceries is usually a "double bagger" if you know what I mean.

I love (deodorant) grocery shopping. Do you?
19 Comments
Love At A Red Light
Posted:Apr 22, 2018 8:28 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2018 4:39 am
2530 Views

Cruising down the road, windows down, nice breeze whipping through my truck, just enough to keep the sweating down to a minimum. YELLOW LIGHT -Fuck Me! Time to sweat.

As I slowly start to melt, a car slides into the space beside me. Oh my! She looks hot! Finger brushing her hair in her rear view mirror, nice shoulder length hair, long enough to wrap around my fist as I drive into her from behind.

She reapplies her lipstick, blood red it covers her plump lips. The color I love smeared on my cock, she puts it on thick. Thick enough that by the time she's nearly blown me to ecstasy I'll look like John Bobbitt, post Lorena.

Checking her left hand I notice the absence of any jewelry on that finger. Long, thin fingers, I can see the tendons just under her alabaster skin, nearly transparent, blue veins pumping blood. I can see her fist stroking my cock, controlling my mind with her varying speeds, eventually milking every last drop of cum from my aching balls.

I watch as she slowly, .... steadily, .... thrusts her finger up her nose. Digging for gold, she's oblivious to all and everything around her. And all and everything around her are disgusted, shocked,and broken hearted, all at the same time. The light can't change fast enough to sooth my hurt.

GREEN LIGHT -Oh, thank God. I am so out of that intersection, that relationship, that pain. The things I would have sacrificed for that woman, time, money, heart and soul, but that's me. How can I be so foolish to think I could find a true and honest love at a red light. Fuck that silliness, on my way now, a few miles between me and home, real air conditioning, a few puffs of some brain conditioning and I'll be whole again.

YELLOW LIGHT -Christ!!! I'm timing them perfectly. Fuck me, another hot Texas summer in a car without A/C, I wipe the sweat from my forehead, ....out of the corner of my eye... a car slides into the space next to me... Oh my.....
15 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Love Thy Neighbor (30)author51
Jun 25, 2018 12:56 am
Purging My Urgings (17)smartasswoman
Jun 24, 2018 7:50 am
Snaked, Baked, And Slurpeed To A Pee (39)Singleshyguynga
Jun 23, 2018 4:43 am
Bits-O-Honey (21)sweet_VM
Jun 21, 2018 5:06 pm
Motorcycles, Cookies, and Drinking Ranch Dressing (21)mature_951
Jun 18, 2018 5:23 pm
Messages From The Other Side Of the Buffet (25)mature_951
Jun 17, 2018 10:45 am
Fuck Face (23)sweet_VM
May 31, 2018 4:30 pm
The Women Of Walmart (19)sweet_VM
May 24, 2018 8:33 pm
Happy McMother's Day (29)FMAOPLS
May 23, 2018 8:15 pm
Window Shopping (23)pagancountrygirl
May 12, 2018 5:08 pm
Get Your Machete! (25)sweet_VM
May 6, 2018 5:56 am