Beginning Again
 
Songs and Musings.
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Begininning again
Posted:Aug 14, 2018 6:12 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2018 6:32 pm
11459 Views

Have a little bit of time away from helping kids sort through their myriad of life drama, so I thought I'd get working on the blog.
A old friend of mine, from this site asked where my blog was. Told them it was deleted along with my old profile and she immediately chastised for not getting it back up. There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm going to let it pass. Anyways, it seems I'm susceptible to goading, so here we go.

I have played the guitar and sang for god knows how many years. I was sure I was going to be a rock star in high school/college, but I'll let you guess how that turned out.

Since then, it's been hit and miss. I'll put the guitar down for a couple of years at a time, which is surprising if you've seen my bedroom. haha Only a chosen few will understand that line. Then i pick it up again and learn some new stuff and hopefully write some new songs. I'll start off with a song i wrote a few years back about a recurring dream. And a newer one. I'll try to remember to update it, but to be honest, I can go years with writing nothing, then spit out 15 songs in a month.

BTW. All the lyrics I post have been copyrighted.
10 Comments
Take me as I am
Posted:Aug 14, 2018 6:59 pm
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2018 6:02 pm
11377 Views

Ok, this one is more about relationships over the last 5 years. very honest about my thoughts that I really don't think I want to get married again. Been divorced for quite a while. Yet it always seems that, though I make that point up front. And it's agreed upon, most have ended up with me being the bad guy, who doesn't want to get married. I don't mind being a bad boy, but i hate being the bad guy.

Verse
You ask me who I want to be,
always just the man you see.
It's been so long since I tore down those walls.
Been here once or twice my friend,
Never like the way it ends.
When smiles turn into tears and the world seems to fall.
Watch it fall.

Chorus
It's really not that hard to just take me as I am,
You tell me what you need to live,
It's just the one thing I can't give.
And I don't want to be the one who makes you cry.
So if you have to leave, I understand.
It's a shame you couldn't take me as I am.

Verse
I'd love to see you one more night,
I know that won't make it right,
But i really hate to see us end like this.
You never had to suffer lies,
my heart was never in disguise.
So if you have to leave, why can't it be with a kiss.
Oh my friend.

Chorus
It's really not that hard to just take me as I am,
You tell me what you need to live,
It's just the one thing I can't give.
And I don't want to be the one who makes you cry.
So if you have to leave, I understand.
It's a shame you couldn't take me as I am.

Instrumental, then
Repeat Chorus with

It's a shame you couldn't take me as I am.
Why couldn't you just take me as I am.
1 comment
Back Home
Posted:Sep 25, 2018 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2018 11:18 am
9518 Views

Well this was a fun find. Going through some old memory stuff last night, looking for a letter. I found part of a song. Reading through it, i was dumbfounded. This is the very first song I wrote! I was 17 at the time, and reading it was thinking, "Damn, I was a moody little bastard".

Doesn't have the second verse, and for the life of me, I can't remember it. What was funny, I picked up a guitar, and within 5 minutes was playing it. Can't believe I remember the melody. Half the time I can't remember songs I wrote last year. I'm still trying to figure out what a 17 year old was thinking were the good old days.

Back Home.

We live on dreams while we're young,
Try to turn ourselves into someone.
But the things we do,
Can't erase the things that we've done.

So we leave our homes to try and find,
A better world then we left behind.
But we find that,
Happiness is just a frame of mind.

Chorus.
But don't you try to find your way,
Back Home.
Back to all those good old days that have gone.
Live your life one day at a time,
Remembering nothing can be done.
About all those good old days that have gone.
21 Comments
Control is an Illusion
Posted:Dec 10, 2018 2:09 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2018 6:50 am
211 Views

My son and I had a meeting with one of the property management company's we do a lot of work for. They're slamming us with work, and of course they want it all finished tomorrow. LOL. Four houses, to flip. Ranging from maybe a 4 day job, to one that is damn near stripping the house down to sheetrock and starting over. I tell her, there's no way I can give her a realistic estimate on the completion of all of them. I can't control the schedules that far out on that many projects, all needing to happen at the same time. I don't have that big of a labor pool, and there's always too many interruptions. She says, well you have to learn to control the interruptions. LOL

After I explained that she was the biggest interruption. Like she also just gave me 5 maintenance jobs, most need to be done tomorrow, that have to fit in as well. She finally laughed at that, and seems to get back to understanding how this business works. In my business, there is no "control". There's just management of parts and labor and schedules written in pencil.

Somehow, the main topic between me and my son after we left, was the fallacy of "control". I've always been a A type personality, with a lot of drive. As I've gotten older though, I've come to realize the old adage, I control my own destiny isn't exactly true. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and there goes my destiny. Control is often times, just an illusion.

He's having conflicts in his marriage, basically because both of them feel like they need to be in control. He agrees he can be a little bit of a control freak. Wanting to set the rules for their kids, schedules and all the fun stuff that comes with raising kids. It's not that he won't listen to her input, he just rarely agrees with it.

She wants the same thing.She's the mom, so she wants control over most everything. She'll listen to him, but then either just blows it off, or does the direct opposite of what he wants. To prove, she's in control.

So while both of them think they're in control..the reality is, neither of them really are. And it's chaos. LOL

I've never really been much of one that is controlling in relationships. Always felt if i have to control who you are and what you do, we probably aren't that good of a match anyway. But I do have a friend that is overboard. To be honest, I don't know how or why his wife stays with him. In my opinion, you shouldn't have to be in "control" for a relationship to work. In the matters of sex, exempting a Dom/Sub game, I think flipping leads (or control if you will), is a great thing. I think it's great when both are accepting enough to initiate and/or plan everything from dates to sex.

Have you ever been in a controlling relationship? Did it also bleed over into your sex life? Personally, I can't say I'd want to be on either side of that type of relationship.
37 Comments
A single Christmas
Posted:Dec 9, 2018 3:33 pm
Last Updated:Dec 11, 2018 6:54 am
320 Views

I did the majority of my Christmas shopping yesterday online. Was a lot better than fighting the crowds, but still sorta a hassle. Seems when I checked out I had it on the wrong card. So had to cancel all the orders, and redo the whole list and check out again. Felt like an idiot.

Before anyone asks...sorry I didn't get any of you anything.

While I was shopping, it dawned on me, that I wasn't dating anyone. Have no FWB, girlfriend, significant other for the first time at Christmas in quite a while. Not really sure why it took me this long to realize the obvious, but I finally figured it out.

I mean it's not all bad. Guess it will save me some money on a present or three. But it does mean there will be no Christmas Eve sex. Which in my book is a major negative point. I mean, I guess it's not much different from the fact that I didn't have sex last night, or the night before that either. Oh, God..now my minds going to "when was the last time you had sex". Let's put the brakes on that one.

It's not just the lack of sex though. At least not for me. Most of the time, I do fine when I'm not dating. Just seems like all of a sudden, I'm noticing a hole in the festivities. Like not going shopping with a friend. Not going for dinner down at the Riverwalk to see the lights. Well, at least not a romantic dinner. Might take my daughters.

Now, of course as it moves further along, all of that will be lost in the chaos of kids coming into town. A road trip to see my daughter and grandkids, that's almost more driving then visiting. Christmas eve over here, Christmas morning over at my sons. Just a wild and crazy escapade starting this coming Thursday. But still.

I'm sure some of you are in the same boat as me. Does it seem different around the holidays for you? Do you not really see any difference? I mean, I think most of us would love to find a great "partner", matching whatever acronym it is we're looking for, no matter what time of year it is. It's just hitting me differently today for some reason.
43 Comments
Virtual Symposium #48 This site has everything.
Posted:Dec 8, 2018 5:49 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2018 5:21 am
391 Views

Was singing Hark the Herald Angels sing all day...so got home a little bit ago, and decided to change the lyrics for the symposium. My second submission to the Carols.

Hark the Heralds Angels Sing or Seems the site has Everything.

Seems this site has everything,
More than friends, or just a fling.
Fetish stuff from rough to mild,
Somewhat shy to balls out wild.
Dick pics flying like a flag,
Some straight men that dress in drag.
Lots of guys who can't decide,
To follow through, or run and hide.
Seems the site has everything.
More than friends, or just a fling.

Women from all walks of life.
Single babes, and the hot wife.
Some want love, some want to swing,
Some just here to show their bling.
Boobs in all shapes and sizes,
Shown in pics that hypnotizes.
Some will show you all they got.
God I hope she's not a bot.
Seems the site has everything.
More than friends, or just a fling.

Seems the blogs are where you'll find,
My favorite place to pass the time.
Though at times some disagree.
Still can post, cause it's all free.
Blog wars come and go at will,
But it seems that we're here still.
Most on here will wish you well,
those that don't, can go to hell.
Seems the site has everything.
More than friends, or just a fling
32 Comments
I love you, but only for 5 years
Posted:Dec 7, 2018 2:29 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2018 5:21 am
471 Views

Just when I thought I was getting older and wiser. Maybe, just maybe, had started to figure out all this relationship and sex stuff, along comes the future. Well maybe not the future, just what this psychologist is predicting. Makes me breathe a sigh of relief, cause I could have predicted a while back that lots of predictions wouldn't come true. And I'd be right. Wait...did I just contradict myself. Anyways.

His take on long-term relationships.

"Flexible marriage contracts. One-size-fits-all “''Til Death Do Us Part” marriage contracts will increasingly be replaced by a continuum of renewable marriage contracts that could last from one month to a lifetime.

The traditional heterosexual lifetime marriage contract will fall further out of favor because of women’s increasing financial independence from men, the decline in the kind of religiosity in which copulation without marriage is deemed sinful, and because of the anger many women are feeling toward men, deeming them privileged, oppressors, mansplainers, etc. Fewer women will want to marry a person of a gender they resent. Conversely, fewer men will want to wed a woman who harbors strong resentment of men."


Wow, sounds like someone is a little negative on both sides of the gender coin. But you know, I do see a lot of idiotic men on this site, that certainly have a lot of women pissed off.

But let me see if I have this straight.

So women won't want to get married, well at least not for life, Cause they're making money? The whole religion thing is just silly. I was raised Catholic, was a active Christian , and I can't say it ever even crossed my mind over whether I wouldn't have premarital sex because of it. Guess going to hell.

The last sentence, "wed a woman who harbors strong resentment of men", is a little out there for me as well.

While sure there are women who harbor resentment of men..I think most just don't like rude or obnoxious men. To me, that sounds a little closer to the truth. But I could be wrong. not a woman.

So..I myself, would never enter into a "5 year marriage" contract. Would you? not marrying someone because I think we'd get along for at least 5 .

Did you, or do you, not have sex without marriage, because of religious beliefs? This sounds sorta dated if you ask me.

Are there any of you women out there that hate me, or resent me, just because a man. Be gentle with me, but I can take it.
33 Comments
You took her where on the first date?
Posted:Dec 6, 2018 1:05 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2018 5:07 am
635 Views

I've been swamped lately, with family stuff and work, so I haven't posted in a few days. I had typed this out Monday and was gonna post it, but had to run up to the hospital. So I thought I'd post it today.

You always hear that fact is at times stranger than fiction. Lot's of times, it can also be funnier. I was reading the news this morning and there was an article on bad first dates. Well, it said it was an article, it was really just a little tidbit of one lady and her bad first date.

Still, it was worth mentioning, and got me thinking about some of my meets from here, vanilla sites and the ever fun setups from my friends. The story went like this.

Seems she met this guy on a dating site. For their first date the guy tells her to wear something black. It's gonna be a surprise. Which she thought sounded sorta romantic. Things were going well after he picked her up, good conversation. He seemed nice. Well until they pull up to a crematorium. Seems he needed a date to bring to his grandmothers funeral. She say's he told her, "Thought if I told you , you wouldn't come" LOL, ya think?

As she put it, she didn't want to be a total bitch, so she stayed for the service. That right there is a trooper ladies and gents. I'm not sure I would have been so accommodating.

While I think I've had some not so great first dates, I'm completely outclassed by this one.

I've had a couple of crazy ones. I did a blog about a first date with a setup, from a friends wife. Spent the entire dinner listening to her bitch about every race, religion, or person not like her. Not much fun, but still not as bad as this poor lady.

I've had one that showed up not looking anything like her picture. I mean, not even close. At least 15 years older, way heavier, and hell even shorter. Why would a woman lie about her height? LOL Then she screamed at me the whole way as I was heading back to my car. I told her, it wasn't the age, wasn't the difference in body, or even the fact she was at least 7 inches shorter than she said. It was the fact she chose to lie to me about everything.

I actually put something in my old profile about her. Read something like , if one of us needs to wear a giant yellow sombrero so we can find each other in the restaurant, there's a problem.

Over all though, I would say the vast majority of first dates I've had went off pretty well. We've known each other a bit, through messaging and at least texts, if not phone calls.

Have you ever had the first date from hell? I'm assuming no one else has ever been to a funeral on a first date, but these days, I try not to be too surprised by anything. LOL
42 Comments
Please indulge me one more time
Posted:Dec 4, 2018 2:56 pm
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2018 6:14 pm
680 Views

He was always the smartest kid in the class through school. Though he sucked at English. I wrote all his English papers for him, through high school and college. Though with math and science, he was a genius. I remember him telling me how boring Calculus was in high school. I probably told him he was a dick and to shut up.

Even though he was still pretty heavy into drugs, alcohol and partying after college, he landed a great job with Southwest Research. Worked there for over 10 , before the drinking finally got him fired. From there, it was all downhill.

As a brother, we were close as can be up until I was in about the 7th grade. Wasn't long after that we fought a lot, like most brothers do. Except ours were sometimes a little more severe than the typical sibling fight. I've always felt bad about those fights. But he also told me, a few ago, how it embarrassed him cause I was 3 grades behind him. But now, he appreciated all the times I would fight anyone, to defend him. He was my brother.

I didn't always like him, but I always loved him. I found myself avoiding him at times, because of his arrogant and know it all attitude, but I learned a lot from him. I had given up quite a while ago on him ever getting his life together, but he was always my brother.

As I wrote about this weekend, he's been in the SICU since last Thursday night. Kidneys were shut down, liver was way out of whack. Due to seizures, most probably, he wasn't responding to commands or voices. We knew he would never want to live like this, from conversations with him, so we made the decision to pull him off of life support. He lasted for an hour and forty minutes when we took him off life support today. But in the end, his life is over.

You weren't always the best brother, but God knows I wasn't either. I hope you find the peace, that eluded you for the majority of your life. Even in death, you will always be my brother.
48 Comments
Rudy- Virtual Symposium # 48
Posted:Dec 2, 2018 9:56 am
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2018 6:12 pm
729 Views

Rudy the rude ole member (member)
Never had nice things to say. (none at all)
But he posted a dick pic. (dick pic)
That he loved to show all day. (cute little thing)

The ladies they just ignored him, (ignored him)
If they tried to turn him down . (Go Away)
Rudy would go all ape shit, (Rudy)
Show himself to be a clown. (just a clown)

Then one night he got a yes, (Yes)
Sure it was no mistake.
She said she really wanted sex,
But turns out she was a fake. (Go figure)

So now ole Rudy's leaving .(he's leaving)
Least that's what he has to say. (on his post)
Rudy the rude ole member, (member)
Back to bitch another day.
36 Comments
Self Destruction
Posted:Dec 1, 2018 3:08 pm
Last Updated:Dec 4, 2018 2:32 pm
853 Views

It's sad watching someone self destruct. It's even worse when it's a slow process and it's someone close to you. I'm sure some of you can relate to this, hell some might even have been on that path.

My older brother was a brilliant kid. Tested at high genius IQ levels. But like me, he never really liked to follow the rules. And like me, during his teens and early twenties, he was heavy into drinking and drugs. Difference is, by 25 I had quit all drugs and could almost call myself a social drinker. He continued on.

By thirty he had contracted Hep C, so it convinced him to quit most of the drugs. Still smoked a little weed, but it was alcohol that he used to fill the void. So he drank. And he drank a lot. I refer to him as a binge alcoholic. Yes he drinks everyday when he's off the wagon. But it's a binge drinking session every day. Like black out , shit faced drunk every day. A bottle of Vodka can get him through the morning, but by night he's looking for some more. This has gone on for the last 30 years

He'll sober up from time to time. One time he lasted almost 6 months. Most of the time it has seemed to be a pattern of 3 weeks on the wagon, then fall off hard.

This past Monday, he started a sober up period. For those who know about these things, cold turkey withdrawal this bad can have some nasty effects. By Thursday he was having seizures, heart stopped in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. They got it going again, but now he's laying in a ICU. Medically induced coma. Liver tests look like hell, brain scans show some anomaly's. They've put him on dialysis, cause his kidneys aren't working. And last I heard this afternoon, that wasn't even going that well. Still unsure where this goes..but they're gonna try to wake him up by Monday. If they can get him "more stabilized". I asked the Doc, what that meant, and his reply was , functioning better than he is right now. Ok...

We were close when we were real young. Fought like mortal enemies when we were older, into our teens. I mean,full on fist fights, not just arguing. So as years went by, we really weren't what you'd call close siblings. But he's still my brother, and I'd fight to defend him. It's been a really sad couple of days though, thinking of the times we did have fun together. And thinking about a wasted life, watching him self destruct.

To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel. It's like I know he's done this to himself, and we've all tried to help him through the years, with no success. I'm angry at him for putting Mom through this pain, and that's keeping me from really feeling pain. But I'll still be sorry to see him go, if it continues on like this.

Have you been through this, or watched someone close to you just defy all advice and destroy themselves?
42 Comments

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